fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
