That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
