Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
