my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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