dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
