yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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