i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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