On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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