i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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