I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
