"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm too high and old for this...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
