i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
