fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
