So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
