Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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