Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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