he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
