Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
