But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
