just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
