Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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