based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
