smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
