I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
