Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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