i don't like sucking hair
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so let's talk penis.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
