You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I need moral support for this bender
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
