Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
