You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
