so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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