I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
