Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
