how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
