you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
