the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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