tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
