how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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