Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
