i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
