I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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