he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
