Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just threw up on my dentist
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
