When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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