if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
