Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
