I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
