I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
