it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How naked do you want me to be?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
