and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
