ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
