Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
