At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
