dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just want nice things and good sex
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
